Jin knew that the age old secrets to making wealth would still be the same today.. as they were in old times.. But it was something else that he was looking for.. Something that was even more important. Something that could nourish his soul besides taking care of all his worldly wants. It was something elusive. ..Often he had seen fleeting glimpses of it in lives of ordinary people who were in the thick of worldly want and helplessness..
It was surprising that it was in moments of reaching out to others that this elusive element became tangible.. and it had a name then.. Happiness , he called it.
But it never stayed with the boy for long. It was gone as soon as it came. It was there in the moment of embracing something new... and It was gone the next moment.
As if fearing something inside the boy, it fluttered in his sights but it wouldn’t stay.. fearful of something that came forth from within the boy maybe.. Like a playful puppy shies from a whip. .. It flew away as soon as it came.
"Can there be a way to capture this thing and control it or own it ,so that it stayed with me and didn’t desert me at all". He was put to hard thought about that. He decided that he would set out to find a way to get a hold on it. And then capture it and keep it. And so he set out …
He walked out in the city.. it was a hot and humid evening and not a great day to be outdoors..on his way, in the city he saw a couple walking toward him. The woman held a child in her hands and was looking at the shops and laughing and talking agitatedly. The husband was also laughing and talking about something and nodding. As their eyes fell on Jin passing by they seemed to stop laughing and wonder about him. Since Jin didnt wear a smile anymore, because he was too busy examining people.. like examining a glass of water.. checking for any signs of contamination before drinking it.. perchance it was this expression that made the couple look at him strangely.Anyway Jin was quite irritated and decided to ignore them as he walked on and passed them.
“ what a foolish lot “ He said to himself.
“ The fools have enough worries as it is, and its so obvious! ,yet they go on chattering and laughing like fools”
And as an afterthought he said aloud “ I am sure they will get home and quarrel about money and lack of this and that”.
And he walked on. It was a hot and humid evening as already mentioned,but being a weekend many people were outdoors in spite of the terrible climate. “what fools these are.. Why cant they stay indoors and stay cool? “. Soon he was tired and thirsty.. he wanted a drink badly. So he entered a shop and picked up a cool drink. As he waited at the counter he noticed the two cashier girls at the counter seemed to look very irritable and were talking to each other as if berating the customers.The language they spoke was not known to Jin, and so he had no way of knowing what they spoke about.
Soon he reached the counter and paid for the soft-drink and as he left he felt that the two were probably now berating him for buying only one cheap drink. He was mighty angry as he left the grocery shop. He simply told himself “ Damned unprofessional sluts, someone will set them right in good time, in a proper way”. After he finished his drink he was sure that his search was ended for the first day. After cleaning his body with an elaborate bath, he lay down to get sleep, he felt the sweet ache of tired bones begging for rest. He didn’t fall asleep immediately but looked up at the ceiling and wondered at the few moments he had before sleep. He wasn’t anywhere else but completely present in the moment.. in his bed and assured in the certainty that sleep would come and that he would have his rest. For a moment he studied his situation. He decided that he was happy now. He also knew that when he awoke the next morning he would be greeted again by routine and the boring routine(ness) of things in life.But for now, he was not sad because that was a shore far way.For now he was going to float in a sea of calm and restful sleep. The next morning he awoke unhappy, because there wasn’t anything new to do. He was stuck with routine. The clock or somebody who sat above him had his life till end of day. "How did he end up giving his life away ,he wondered. When did all this happen ? Was I here when it happened ?" He smiled as he thought these things. He knew that he was there when it happened and also knew when it had happened.
“Got to move” He thought and went to out to work as usual.
After a few years the boy had become a Man and as he sat in a train going to work, he noticed a group of people who were talking and making a desperate attempt at humor . Jin noted that everyone else sitting around seemed to understand the seriousness of life and their faces also reflected this fact. Except for these four fools ,continually braying like donkeys and making a hysterical scene. Again Jin thought about the same thing that had engaged his thoughts a long time back. The quest for happiness... Of a sudden he laughed despite himself . And the people who were so far laughing looked as if hit by a train, because they were momentarily as if thrown off balance. Even the serious looking passengers were visibly curious. Thus far they had inadvertently focused their attention on the group that had been raising a spectacle, an entertaining spectacle even for some who had nothing else to do but to watch a group talking about nothing in particular and making great effort at eliciting a laugh from each other .. Untill jin had laughed suddenly and introduced himself like a unannounced character in a play. jin..the man who had been looking for happiness once again saw happiness at that moment. He had met happiness before, and so he recognized it. Happiness had embarrassed him this time. And like old times it also made him feel light headed and fresh and alert. He couldn’t meet the eyes of the group of four as they stood quietly now, aware of him. He felt their eyes on his back. But the urge to laugh was so strong that he had to get up and leave the train at the next stop. The curious thing was that as soon as he left the train he was no longer able to laugh or wanted to. He was once again in a suffocating ocean of serious faces. As he looked at the train pull out he felt as if he had passed up a chance to something. A meeting with something eventful. A snatch at something ..a pass to some place new.That night as he lay down to sleep, he was unable to feel wholesome. As if a part of him had been left behind in that train.. He had left without defining the character that he had created. It was a dramatic moment which needed a proper introduction. Alas, but he had instead exited similarly unannounced. The next day he was up and away to work as usual. At another passage in life, maybe as a older man he might ,in an awkward moment ,go out of the way and explain to a teenager the urgency of being bold and go out speak out your heart, and not think too much about the world.. and that the world could (you know..) and maybe add some more spice with dialogs like"When someone chooses you, stand up and be a man about it " . The teenager of course wouldn’t take the advice,
"Oh no way! .. imagine the risk involved!"
